Written by Liz Lake
Produced by Cameron Roach
Directed by Roberto Bangura
It's the opening night of Bruno's private members' club, the pretentiously named Nabakov's Cocoon. He and Lucy have invited the team, their wives and all of the press. As Noah takes the opportunity to show off his newfound heterosexuality, Bruno is more concerned that the club gets maximum publicity. But as he is interviewed by celebrity presenter, Richard Arnold, it becomes clear that Tanya and her blinging pink diamond engagement ring are overshadowing his big night.
When Conrad hears the result of Troy's DNA test the engagement is called off. Amber's suspicions have been proved correct - Tanya did switch the babies over! Conrad is furious and brutally attacks Tanya. But then salvation arrives in the surprising form of Amber. She stops Conrad from strangling Tanya because she wants to see her punished. However, Tanya still has a few tricks up her sleeve and threatens to tell the press all about their orgies and how Amber practically breast-fed her dog - not exactly the behaviour of responsible parents! Reluctantly, Conrad and Amber agree to let Tanya go, but only if she gives them all of her money and signs over her shares in Earls Park. Tanya leave in a helicopter, bound for a flight to Rio... is this the end for the ultimate Footballers' Wife?
Although Darius has telephoned Roger to tell him that he's ill, Harley is really worried about him. Shannon is convinced that he will be sleeping off his illness on his boat, so the two of them head off to check on him. With the memory of Katie's meat cutters fresh in his mind, Harley panics when they discover that Darius's boat is missing. In the boat house, Darius has struggled free from his bonds but Katie is too quick and takes aim with a harpoon. She shoots the harpoon just as Harley and Shannon arrive to the rescue, but luckily she misses. On reflection, Katie's relieved not to have harmed Darius - now she can move on and start dealing with things, leaving Darius to deal with his guilt.
Amber takes great pleasure in blurting out the news to a gob-smacked Hazel - Tanya has gone to take some 'time out' after the tragic baby-swap 'accident', and what's more, she's also signed over her shares in Earls Park. Hazel is horrified when she discovers that she and Amber are about to be colleagues! Amber also makes some changes at home - she's reclaiming her son by renaming him Phoenix. She also informs a shocked Conrad that she wants him out of her life for good.
Roger goes scouting for a new player - but it's not hard to do the deal as it's his son, Seb. Hazel reluctantly agrees that Roger should sign Seb, but she's got other, more important things to worry about, like Amber's take on a women only Hindu naming ceremony for little Phoenix. Feeling decidedly left out, Conrad tries to seek solace with Noah only to find him having a cosy night in with Bethany. Noah is desperate to get himself out of a potentially sticky situation and tells Bethany that he'll marry her.
Amber's reassured when Conrad begs her to take him back via the house intercom. But he's going to have to try a lot harder than that in order to win her over. Besides, he'll have to get through the Fort Knox style security system first, and Phoenix's Faberge egg style crib in which she is keeping him under lock and key. Finally it seems that she's gotten rid of Tanya forever - the wicked witch is dead! Or is she?
On a Brazilian beach, Tanya is charming a very rich, very fat divorcee... could this be husband number three?