Written by Guy Picot
Produced by Cameron Roach
Directed by S.J. Clarkson
Nabakov's Cocoon is front page news for all the wrong reasons and Bruno is furious - it looks like his private members' club could go down the pan. Hazel arrives to find Bruno taking out his frustrations on Lucy who is trying her best to remain positive - how was Shannon to know that all of their kitchen staff were illegal immigrants? Luckily, Hazel has done some damage limitation but Bruno will have to close the club for a while until it all blows over. But Bruno's still choosing to blame Lucy for the mess and flies into a rage, smashing a picture of her in the process.
Now that he knows that Seb's a steroid user, Roger is watching him like a hawk. Unaware of what Seb has been up to, Jackie thinks that Roger is simply being too strict, especially when she comes across one of their new punishing morning training sessions. Seb isn't too happy about the new regime either, particularly as he's having to give his dad regular urine samples and even worse, has been dropped from the first team. Hazel and the team are surprised to hear that their new star player hasn't made the team list for the next match. At least it gives Seb the opportunity to stir things and soon, Roger and Conrad are at each other's throats.
Even after her documentary accidentally revealed illegal goings-on at Nabakov's Cocoon, Shannon is determined to stick with it. Still desperate to raise her profile, Shannon is also getting stuck into the charity work with a vengeance. As always, she manages to take things to the extreme and 'Adopts-a-Granny'! Harley is livid - his wife's greed for celebrity is ruining their lives and now he's sharing his mansion with an old age pensioner!
Amber revels in playing the pop princess when she is interviewed live by DJ Neil Fox to promote her single, 'Bhangra Bootie'. She's convinced that it will be a number one hit but is only too aware of how tough it will be to change her image. Conrad meanwhile indulges in a drastic but artistic display of affection to win his wife back. When Amber arrives home, she finds him almost passed out in pain and with blood seeping through his shirt. She gasps when she sees the enormous tattoo on his back, spelling out the names 'Amber' and 'Phoenix'.
Hazel is becoming deeply concerned about Lucy and invites her out for lunch. Lucy denies any problems with her marriage and offers to prove it with an impromptu dinner party. Unfortunately, Bruno has decided to try and make up for the sudden closure of the club by inviting the lads around on the same night. Bruno is annoyed when he discovers that his lad's night clash with his wife's dinner party, but with Hazel on the guest list, there's nothing he can do about it. After dinner, the lads play pool and the women amuse themselves watching firemen stripping on the Internet! Lucy is happy to finally get the chance to have a laugh with her friends, but what will Bruno think of it all? She finds out when they are alone that night. Bruno leaves her feeling terrified and alone, with only one person left to turn to... her new Internet friend.
Harley is already beginning to lose patience with their pensioner in residence, Mrs Birkeham. He could just about tolerate her endless demands making them late for the Milligans party, but when she interrupts a steamy session between him and Shannon, it seems that she really has outstayed her welcome. Over at the Webbs, Seb arrives home as pissed as a newt to find Jackie alone. He takes his chance - with a kiss! Jackie is mortified... or is she?